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Welcome to My Living Room


About eleven or twelves years ago, I got on Pinterest. I made boards to keep track of clothes I liked, recipes I wanted to make, art I liked and so on. I also made a secret board. I was in a bad marriage at the time and I thought there was no way out. I made a secret board, I can't even remember what I called it, but on it I pinned little houses I might be able to rent or afford, decorations I liked that were just me and no one else in the house's taste. I pinned places in the south because I'm from Kentucky and wanted to live back in the south again, like going home to myself. I imagined I could get a little job and a little place to stay and my daughter who wasn't grown yet could come with me and I could start a life free of abuse.


On that board I fantasized about having pink furniture and oversized art and pretty and colorful things around me. I pinned pictures of forests and encouraging sayings. The board became a source of comfort, even if it was just imaginary freedom I didn't believe was totally possible. A year or two later, I started doing energy work intensely and learning new modalities and starting a healing journey for myself. What happened was my healing lead me out of the high demand religion that I was a part of, then two years later finally got me out of that marriage. It felt like a miracle when I got a new partner I could connect with as writers and we started a bohemian free life together with lots of sex, lots of writing, lots of adventures and we moved to Atlanta, which turns out, many of the pictures on my secret board were taken there and I didn't know it. I was happy! Then two years ago he unexpectedly died. He passed away in the morning, and as soon as I found him, I got the very strong message that this would be good for me and I would be okay. I was FURIOUS at the universe for giving me such a message, as I went into shock and called 911 and all the horrible things of that most terrible day. That night, though, when I opened his phone I saw that he was living a double life and a criminal life and I had no idea. The message I got was right. I moved to Texas to stay with friends while I grieved and healed and put my life together. I already had my energy work practice, but it was new and I wasn't financially self-sufficient yet, so I had to build as fast as I could while I healed as fast as I could. It has been the most intense healing two years of my life for sure. Now I am about to sign a second year-long lease in this little one bedroom apartment of mine. I got my pink furniture, even if it is pretty cheap and won't last too long. I got my oversized art, even if it's a cheap banner I had printed on Etsy. I am just starting out in all ways, but also, I'm 50 years old and this is the first time in my life I have lived alone and been free of abusive systems and/or abusers, and I like it. I love my little place and have decorated it fully like I would have dreamed in my secret Pinterest board. I now have all the freedom I need to explore my sexuality and relationships and money and life in healthy ways. I am working on growing my business. I have discovered that I'm queer and poly, so I have two partners that are so sweet and wonderful, and I'm dating. I am paying my bills and having more adventures than I've ever had in my life. I am enjoying myself. I am proud of myself. I'm still scared sometimes, and I'm still new at this life, but I can't believe I actually pulled it off. For some, it is a monumental effort a decade in the making to go through school and college to get a high degree and a high paying job. For me, it was a monumental effort a decade in the making to live in this little one bedroom apartment with my cat Fiorello, and my art, and doing my writing and my energy work on my pink couch. The art above the couch is called "Two Females with Exotic Fauna" and is a fashion advertisement from 1929 by Jean Dupas. I found the picture a day or two after I got to Texas after my tragedy. I decided that's what I want my new life to feel like, peaceful, elegant, sophisticated, wild, stylish, fun, and peacefully flowing. It hasn't all felt like that, but if I'm honest, it feels like that more than just about any time of my life previous. So welcome to my living room, and now you know why I'm an energy healer, because I had SO much to heal for myself for so many years. I became good at it for myself, then started using it for others so they can free themselves from whatever is holding them back, and have their own metaphorical version of a pink couch and Two Females with Exotic Fauna.


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