Filling out Forms is Complicated Because I Am All the Things
I find at this part of my life, doing things like filling out forms takes on a whole new level of complicated. One of the first things they ask is your name. My name is legally Persephone, but some places still have my old name Sarah on their records, and answering that questions often requires some digging to see which name they have. If they have my old name I have to go through the process of getting my right name there and that can take from a few minutes to a few months.
The next question is Married, single, divorced, widowed? I could say yes to each of those at various times in my life. I was married for 23 years. I was divorced. I was single, and I was widowed. I am all of those now in a way, and also none of those now in a way. I do have a girlfriend so I am also partnered, but not married, so does that make me single? Also, I was never married to my partner that died, but we were engaged and planning our wedding and had been living together for years. As far as I’m concerned we were married in spirit and had been for years, and when he died I was widowed, but not on paper. I’m never sure which of those answers to pick, because except for married, which I was in my past, so it applied at one point, I am all the others right now—sort of, but also none of them—sort of.
The next question they ask is my age. I am 48. That is a fact, but it in some ways also feels like it’s not a full representation of who I am. Yes I was born 48 years ago, but I was born into a cult-like religion and I feel like I didn’t start living until I got out of it eight years ago. That doesn’t make me eight, but I have had to start from scratch growing up emotionally and experientially in those eight years. I feel like I went from being a sixteen year old forty year old, to a woman who has had eighty years of life experience eight years later. I’ve been through it. I went from having so much less experience than most people in our society to having much more in a few short years.
I have been on an intense journey of healing and self-discovery over the past eight years. I’ve thrown off the roles of the past where I fulfilled other people’s expectations of who I am and what my life is about, and I became myself and a person and a human instead of a role player, need meeter. I like this better. Much better.
To me the healing journey is about coming home to yourself and learning what that means for you individually. To me it is throwing off roles and expectations and learning who you are and being that. When you get to that place you can also start supporting others on their own healing journeys as well.
Sometimes it can feel like living many lives in a single life, but it is worth it to be born again and again into a clearer, more healed version of yourself. Your life will feel more fulfilling and you will have more to offer society.
In what ways have you been in your own journey of healing your life to learn who you are? Has it taken you unexpected places? Are you a different person than when you started? How do you feel about your life right now?